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- "Computers in the future may weigh no
more than one-and-a-half tonnes."
- Popular Mechanics, 1949
- "I think there is a world market for
maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
- "I can assure you that data
processing is a fad that won't last the year."
- Chief Business Editor, Prentice Hall, 1957
- "Yeah, microchips, but what... is it
good for?"
- an IBM senior enginner, 1968
- "There is no reason anyone in the
right state of mind will want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, President of Digital Equipment Corp, 1977.
- "Bubble Memory, n.: A derogatory
term, usually referring to a person's intelligence. See also vacuum
tube."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "As soon as we started programming,
we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right
as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the
exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on
was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programmes."
- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949.
- "Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless."
- "Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop."
- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
- "f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n
cmptr prgrmmng."
- Anonymous
- "You can measure a
programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing
viability of FORTRAN."
- Alan Perlis
- "ADA, n.: Something you need only
know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences
like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "God made machine language; all the
rest is the work of man."
- Anonymous
- "SOFTWARE, n.: Formal evening attire
for female computer analysts."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "Reach out and grep someone.
- Bell Labs Unix
- "Real Programmers don't write in
PL/I. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in
COBOL or FORTRAN.
- Programmers' World
- "At the source of every error which
is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors,
including the error of blaming it on the computer.
- Anonymous
- "Goto, n.: A programming tool that
exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured
programmers.
- Ray Simard
- "Hardware, n.: The parts of a
computer system that can be kicked."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "The world is coming to an end.
Please log orff."
- Posix 2.1.1 System Shutdown Message
- "A language that doesn't affect the
way you think about programming is not worth knowing."
- Alex Lu, commenting on Java Programming
- "BUG, n.: An undesirable,
poorly-understood undocumented feature."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "Adding manpower to a late software
project makes it later."
- Brook's Law
- "The C Programming Language: A new
language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the
power of assembly language."
- Murphy's Introduction to C
- "User n.: A programmer who will
believe anything you tell him."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "An elephant is a mouse with an
operating system."
- Anonymous
- "Line Printer paper is strongest at
the perforations."
- Murphy's Law of Line Printers
- "Pascal, n.: A programming language
named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it."
- The Chartered Institution of C Programmers
- "C, n.: A programming language which
was names thus because it cannot be named B after bees blocked it in a
high-court case."
- The Royal Society of Pascal Programmers
- "C++, n.: C with fine print which is
never quoted and no-one knows about; features which renders a
correctly-written C programme useless."
- The Royal Society of Pascal Programmers
- "The goal of Computer Science is to
build something that will last at least until we've finished building
it."
- Anonymous
- "The New Testament offers the basis
for modern computer coding theory, in the form of an affirmation of the
binary number system. But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay,
nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."
- Matthew 5:37
- "The primary purpose of the DATA
statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as
3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given
that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of
the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the
value of pi change.
- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
- "Every programme is a part of some
other programme, and rarely fits."
- The Complete Microsoft Internal Jokes, Vol.III
- "When the programme refuses to work
as intended, change the specification to fit the programme. It's easier
than vice versa."
- Briefing for new programmers joining Microsoft, 1995
- "After I run your programme, let's
make love like crazed weasels, okay?"
- Alice Blair, in a cupboard with Alan Robertson
- "During the next two hours, the
network will be going up and down several times, often with
lin~po_~{po~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_ ~{o[po~y oodsou@No.w4k**n~po_
~{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\~{o
- "How many hardware engineers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
None: "We'll fix it in software."
- "How many software engineers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
None: "We'll document it in the manual."
- "How many Microsoft engineers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
None: "Let's define darkness as the industry standard."
- "How many tech writers does it take
to change a lightbulb?
None: "The user can work it out."
- "Real Programmers don't play tennis,
or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain
climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work
in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the
machine room."
- Anonymous
- "I haven't lost my mind, it's backed
up on tape somewhere."
- Anonymous
- "Information Center, n.: A room
staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to tell you why
you cannot have the information you require."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "Real Time, adj.: Here and now, as
opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then."
- The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies
- "Never test for an error condition
you don't know how to handle."
- Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming
- "If the code and the comments
disagree, then both are probably wrong.
- Norm Schryer
- "Every program has at least one bug
and can be shortened by at least one instruction - from which, by
induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one
instruction which doesn't work."
- Anonymous
- "Microcomputers are the tool of the
80's. BASIC is the language that all of them use. So the sooner you
learn BASIC, the sooner you will understand the microcomputer
revolution."
- 30 Hour BASIC Standard, 1981.
- "I expect that any day now someone
will invent a round thing which rolls along the ground and minimises
friction, only it will need a 233-megahertz Pentium processor to do it."
- Garry Harant, Blackburn, Victoria, Australia
- "640k is enough for anyone, and by
the way, what's a network?"
- William Gates III, President of Microsoft Corporation,
1984.
- "Linux is not portable."
- Linus Torvalds.
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